


do you know what i’m seeing?

by manchestereye (orphan_account)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, kickthestickz if you squint, shitposting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-06 14:57:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20293360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/manchestereye
Summary: dan’s mail keeps getting stolen and swapped for someone else’s mail





	do you know what i’m seeing?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [icosmics](https://archiveofourown.org/users/icosmics/gifts).

> i’m on vacation don’t blame me for typos i’m writing on mobile
> 
> prompt [here](https://dailyau.tumblr.com/post/187006137364/your-mail-keeps-coming-to-my-address-which-is)
> 
> icosmics ily

“the fuck is this doing in my mailbox again?” dan asks himself. it’s a letter addressed to phil lester, someone who dan has never met before. phil’s address isn’t even close to dan’s, and yet somehow his mail has ended up in dan’s inbox.

this isn’t the first time it’s happened, but honestly there is no logical explanation as to why phil’s mail is in his inbox. their addresses are nothing alike, and they don’t even live in the same town for christ’s sake. where the hell is his own mail going? 

dan’s quite miffed, because he was expecting a package of a hoodie this morning, and it’s not in his mailbox. the tracking number email has definitely confirmed that it’s arrived.

he wants to find out who this “phil lester” is and why his mail has been redirected to dan’s apartment.

dan thinks it must be a prank from one of his friends for the first few days. he assumes that chris stole some poor soul’s mail just to fuck with him, and so he confronts chris about it.

but chris has no idea what the hell he’s talking about.

“dan, i don’t have any mail keys. there’s no way i could get that person’s mail. and besides, mail theft is like, not that good of a prank.” chris scoffs.

dan has no idea whether or not chris is telling the truth, so he just gives up and lets himself think that it’ll end soon enough.

but it doesn’t. the cycle continues for another two weeks. dan would’ve just drove to “phil lester’s” place to get his mail back, assuming phil has the mail, but he hasn’t had the time yet. working two jobs as a barista and a paper salesman have taken a toll on his internal clock. he’s always drowsy and tired when he gets home, preventing him from driving out to see if phil has his mail or not.

he’s impatient, he wants the hoodie that he ordered weeks ago, and he also wants the rest of his mail to just go back to where it’s supposed to go. 

dan complains to his close friend and coworker dodie about it, because dodie is wise and helpful, and he really needs the advice right now. that's when she brings up a good solution.

“why don’t you just hold the mail? call the post and tell them you’ll be ‘out of town’ for a few days. no mail, no prank.” 

dan shrugs at that. “the mail will still be there when it finally gets delivered, dodie.”

she swats her hand at him. “no, idiot. catch them in the act. take the day off one day and lurk in the bushes until you find out who’s been taking your mail.” 

dan hadn’t thought of that before. of course he didn’t.

he tells his boss that he wants the day off tomorrow for a “doctor’s appointment,” and luckily she complies.

unfortunately, having the day off means that he oversleeps and misses when the mail arrives. when he checks the mail again, it’s coupon ads for  _ phil lester _ , and dan just throws them on his floor. he wonders how his “mail thieves” feel about the fact that his mail was gone for today. oh well. he couldn’t really give a fuck about them. it’s been weeks, he just wants his mail and that damn hoodie he paid £70 for. 

new plan, move all the way to alaska where no one can fuck with him or his mail. (except moving is stressful and expensive, and alaska is cold as shit.)

dan leaves the mailbox alone for a few days. he does it intentionally on the first day, but the days after that it’s just been busy schedule. so when he finally sees the mail left unattended, he wants to scream.

what kind of asshole has a shitload of mail every morning that somehow leads into this??

dan doesn’t wanna know, because he’s tired and angry and his friends aren’t giving him good suggestions. 

and that’s when he decides that  _ 3 am  _ is the  _ perfect  _ time to saunter off to phil lester’s house and ask about the stupid fucking mail. 

except he makes five wrong turns thinking the turns will correct his mistakes, and goddamnit maybe he should invest in some better gps technology.

at this point, dan thinks that he’ll never get his actual mail, that he’ll start off every day with mail that isn’t his. except for bills and legal shit. (dan found this out one morning when his tax rebate was actually sent to him and not this “phil lester”.)

surprisingly, however, he does get the surprise visit from phil lester himself. and holy  _ shit _ , he’s cute. 

it’s a day where dan doesn’t have to go to work, watching anime in the peace and quiet of his apartment when there’s a sudden knocking. he opens the door, and the man starts yelling his face off.

“why the hell is your mail coming my house, i don’t even know you, here’s the dumb package that’s been taunting me for WEEKS.” he rants, and shoves the package into dan’s hands.

he lets out an “oof” before putting the box on the floor. 

“i was about to ask you the same thing, but i can see my friend pj’s car parked down below and i have a strong feeling that he’s behind all of this.” 

phil turns around and, yeah, there’s pj and chris sitting in the front seats with _ binoculars _ .

“i hate them both.” phil says, laughing. “chris is my roommate, he wants me to get laid or something.”

“pj’s my neighbor… what a small world. uh, come in for coffee if you want?” dan steps aside to let phil in.

they talk for a while, finding out that they have a lot of similar interests, and maybe that’s why chris and pj set this whole thing up. 

“do you wanna go on a proper date with me sometime?” phil asks. “it would be nice, especially since you’re cute.”

dan blushes at that. “yeah, okay, you’re cute, i have nothing to lose.”

“great! see you friday!”

-

“peej, are you sure this is a good idea?” chris asks, watching pj use his illegal key to get into dan’s mailbox.

“the guy who used to live in dan’s apartment gave me a copy of the key, i’m going to finally put it to good use.” pj smirks, taking out the letters and giving them to chris.

“now, let’s see how long it takes these two to finally meet and bone each other.”

“that’s gross, pj.”

“your mum’s gross.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank u pls leave a kudos
> 
> tumblr: sudden-sky


End file.
